just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize