I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
