I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
