took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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