Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
