don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
