why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
