carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
