I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
