I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
