happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
