She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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