how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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