we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
