Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
