I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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