I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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