the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
