I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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