I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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