Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
