just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
