So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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