I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
