Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
