why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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