better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
