I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
