"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
