The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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