hell yes lets make some ravioli
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
