Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
