You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
