He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
