u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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