I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
