we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
