I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You made out with two different species that night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
