mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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