She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
