my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
