oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
