Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
