Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
