so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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