Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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