we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
