This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
