Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
