I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
