The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
well you can't waste a boner
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
