Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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