yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
