I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
