This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
