im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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