His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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