Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
