Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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