Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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