lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
