im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
